I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
