I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
