Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
