Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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