We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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