so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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