No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
