Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
