I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
