I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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