I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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