Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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