I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
