Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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