oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
