So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Houston, we have a blender
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
