Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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