So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You may now shotgun with the bride
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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