So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
