we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
