Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
