Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
