Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
