Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
