I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
