Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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