Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
