We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
