i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
there was a trapeze. enough said
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
