It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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