Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
