Pants 0. Shit 1.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
