His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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