I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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