Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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