I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
