Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
