It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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