Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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