I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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