I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
