In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
