I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
