apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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