I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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