I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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