don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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