Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
