babies were throwing up all over the place
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
