I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
