I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
