This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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