it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
