we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
