Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
