Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
